Kacey Klein

short stories ~ literary fiction ~ social commentary

copyright © 1999 - 2013

Sympathy for the Devil



All True Believers can just keep moving, nothing to see here. For the rest of us who look up and the stars and wonder, listen carefully. I have a tale to tell.



God’s hanging out in a void. The human mind cannot conceive of this being, who is not a being, who I think I’ll call Victor, seeing as how the term God has so much baggage.

Victor, who we can’t conceive, is hanging out in a void, which we can’t conceive. Neither exists in objective reality, which hasn’t been created yet. Victor is in a place not a place, a time not a time, blah, blah, blah and blah.

Victor creates stuff and sees it’s all cool. Since Victor is the big tomato and got an ego as big as the universe, he creates some beings like himself. He says unto these beings: “I’m Victor, I created all this crap. You shall bow only to me.” By bow, Victor was saying love, since he didn’t know the fricking difference between love and worship, seeing as love hasn’t been invented yet.

Since Victor created the beings to be like him, the beings, let’s call them angels, looked upon Victor and saw themselves. Oh, it’s so easy to love yourself, so the angels had no problem with Victor’s having said unto.

And, the universe was perfect.

Victor got all tired of beings just like him bowing to him. His ego demanded more. He created the Earth and made the Earth all veggie. Since Victor’s got an ego as big as the universe, and even though it took Victor billions of years to create the universe and Earth, Victor boasted: “Look what I did in six days!” even though days hadn’t been created yet.

None of the angels, who were just like him, disagreed.

Victor, being the creator and all and not having any experience, created beings like he created the angels to live on Earth. That didn’t work out so well, so he wiped them out some time later. He then created a being from the dirt. Now, Victor had what he wanted, a fragile being he could scare the crap out of just by showing up.

Victor thought this pretty cool, for him fear and worship looked the same as love, his ego lapping it up like the sun draws spilled water from the desert sands.

Victor called all the angels together and boasted: “Look what I created! Man! Ha ha! Look how they tremble just at the thought of me! Too cool for words!” Victor waved a hand over his head, snapping his fingers twice. “Look, I cast them from the Garden! Ha ha!”

All the angels, being just like Victor, laughed along with Victor.

Victor, all full of his hubris, his ego being as big as the universe, looked upon his angels. “Bow to man.”

Most the angels fell to their knees in worship of man.

Some of the angels didn’t fall to their knees, but looked on in puzzlement. I’ll pick one to represent them all, calling him Satan.

Satan said: “You’re out of your fricking mind,” or something like that in the language angels used back then.

“You will not do as I command?” Victor asked.

“If you command me to bow down to these fragile mud beings as if equal to you, you got that right, Vic. You just told us less than six days ago, to bow to nothing but you.”

Since Victor had an ego as big as the universe, he proclaimed: “You suck!” Waved his arms like shooing flies, casting Satan from Victor’s presence for all time, adding a “Nanny nanny, boo boo!”

Satan looked up to the stars, stars Victor could never see, and said: “If the price I must pay for loving you, Victor, is to be cast out from your presence for all time, then I’ll gladly pay it, for I will never stop loving you.”